It barely needs stating that every single child in the world is a complete individual, with their own unique combination of traits, tendencies and quirks. It is important to be mindful of this fact whenever we start talking about types or categories of children. Although I am about to describe two broad categories of young children, please bear in mind that within each category there are an infinite number of nuances!
Chinese medicine understands that children may be born with one of two constitutional tendencies. Neither type is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than the other. Children in both categories will have their own set of challenges and strengths. However, understanding which type your child is, may help to guide you in how you parent them. This is most applicable in children up to the age of about four.
The robust child
The robust child is born with a surplus of qi. They will look physically robust, often have red cheeks and a huge appetite. They perceive the world as a place that needs exploring. Every new place they go or new person they meet is a wonderful opportunity to express their natural inquisitiveness. They make their presence strongly felt and are often impossible to ignore!
The robust child will thrive off having a full and varied daily routine, with lots of stimulation and activity. They will hate being constrained and will often show a strong level of independence for their age.
When they become ill, they tend to have strong symptoms and high fevers. They may be very ill but throw off the illness as quickly as they succumbed to it.
The sensitive child
The sensitive child is born with not quite enough qi. They will often be physically slight or thin, have a pale complexion and tend to eat small amounts of a smaller range of foods. They may need time and the support of an adult to adjust to new places or people. They may need to ‘warm up’ before revealing their true nature in situations that they are not entirely familiar with.
The sensitive child will thrive off having a quieter lifestyle. They will need a balance of activity and stimulation, with rest and downtime. They may rely on the presence of a parent to help them feel secure when they are going to a new place or doing a new activity.
They tend to get mild illnesses, that may last a while but rarely amount to anything.
Some children fall very clearly into one category, whilst others seem to sit somewhere in the middle of the two. This way of classifying children has some overlaps with the system developed by paediatric health researcher William Boyce. He differentiates between ‘dandelions and orchids’. He writes that dandelions are able to thrive in a wide variety of environments, whereas orchids need a more specific environment in which to thrive. I would say that the kind of society most children in urban environments are brought up in does indeed favour the robust type child. This is unfortunate, as the majority of children born in the West today are the sensitive type (the reasons for this will be the subject of another post!). Below are some tips that might help parents, who clearly identify their child as being strongly one type or other, meet their needs.
Robust children need:
- A lot of movement and physical activity (although rest of course too)
- Opportunities for lots of exploration and adventure
- Sometimes help with knowing when they are full
- Guidance to know when to step back and allow other children to take centre stage!
- Lots of love (of course) but firm, clear boundaries
Sensitive children need:
- Smaller amounts of activity interspersed with rest
- Encouragement to explore and try new things
- Encouragement to eat a wide range of food
- To be allowed to take their time to feel their way into new situations or relationships
- Lots of love (of course) and a gentle, tender approach
It is very easy, as a parent, to be concerned that our child is a particular way. For example, we may worry that our really robust child dominates when playing with other children and that this means as an adult they will be perceived as over-bearing or bossy. Or we may worry that our sensitive child is never going to make their mark in the world and will be over-looked. But this worry is usually misplaced. Both robust and sensitive children, as they grow and mature, will have the ability to find a path in life where they can express their true nature and excel. If we try to turn a child into something they are not, we are likely to cause them harm. If we respect their individuality, and meet their needs accordingly, they are likely to emerge into adulthood with the confidence to manifest their true nature in the world.